A lost love's diary
by TeddybearLovingInsomniac
Summary: Not long after her death Kili finds The diary of his 'lost' love and starts reading it, this brings back all the memories of her :( . The extended version/prequel of 'Kili's lost love'. Recommend reading Kili's lost love before reading this. Ive just re-written this story so that there are longer but less chapters. Enjoy :)
1. Death

**AN: Hi!  
**

**So this chapter won't be as good as the others because my beta is busy. I won't be updating very often but keep an eye out :) I'm sorry for the SUPER long authors note.  
I case you were wondering Lara (my OC) is not a Mary Sue. This chapter is a bit different. Its written in Lara perspective.**

**For TheMaddieArchives, VanessaAndEllieTheVamps, alaska23, yolo1200 and maximumridefang1995: I'm sorry for taking so long to update! Things went crazy and I really needed to get my life sorted out Because it got really messy. Also before that mayhem my iPad got wiped so ch3 got deleted, eventually I gave up on re-writing it and decided to write something else (this). This chapter is going to be about her death from her POV. Thank you for sticking with me/this story, you have encouraged me not to give up on writing.**

**For new readers: I hope you enjoy this story. Please R and R, every follow/favourite/review/PM mean more to me than I could ever express. Happy reading :)**

******Happy valentines day!**

**-Kelly**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the hobbit...did you really expect me to say I did?

* * *

I feel weak, weaker than I've ever felt before. I want to give up. I don't want to live anymore. Will it really make a difference if I die now? I know I will die soon, I know death will come to claim me in the next two days. But I have to make the most of these days, not for me but for Kili.

Together we walk to the lake, our special place. It was a hard long walk, much longer than I remembered it to be. I cling on to Kili's arm for support. He holds in his hands picnic basket with a mat and lunch made by Dis, his mother Inside it.

We finally make it to the lake. I stand and watch Kili lay out the picnic mat. He lifts the corners up and down like a giant fan. it is quite amusing to watch the cloth mat fall down like a feather. He walks up to me and takes my hand bringing me to sit down on the mat.

An overwhelming rush of coldness fill my body as I start shivering. Everything is so cold, I know that it was spring and my body was radiating heat but everything just felt so cold. Kindly, like a proper gentleman, Kili takes off his coat and places it around me. His warm brown coat is filled with his sweet scent.

"Are you feeling ok?" I can see a great amount of concern in his eyes, concern and fear that are there because of me.  
"Yeah. As good as I'll ever be I guess."  
If possible his face saddens at my reply. We break eye contact as he looks towards the still water in the lake. I tuck a stray lock of hair that falls, to cover his face, behind his ear.

He reaches into the basket and takes out a nicely crafted bow the bore marks and engravings on it and an almost full quiver; my bow and quiver. He hands them to me. The arrows are made by him, I can tell by the craftsmanship and the combination of materials used to make the arrows. He doesn't usually make his own arrows, most of the tide he buys them from The market.

"Do you want to try?" He asks.  
"No, but you haven't practiced in a while why don't you? I'll be right here."  
I give him back my bow.

Hesitantly he stands up and takes a few steps away from our picnic mat. I get up and follow him making sure I don't stand in the shooting range.  
After attaching the quiver on to his back he loads the bow and skilfully draws back the string, aiming at a nearby tree. He releases and the arrow flies into the middle of the tree trunk. Again he reloads the bow this time aiming at another tree.  
I suddenly feel weak, weaker than before. Breathing gets harder. I collapse on to the ground landing with a thud. My hair sprawls out of the neat braid it was once in, as the bead that held it in place falls out. Kili slings my bow around his back and runs toward me. Carefully he picks me up in his strong arms and carries be back to the mat. He lays me down with caution like I am a fragile porcelain doll.

He caresses my cheek in his hand so that I am facing him. My eyes struggle to stay open. It's time. The pain is finally going to end.  
He holds a frown softened with sadness, on his face. I can see the tiredness in his eyes behind the tears that were starting to form. I can see the extra stress lines on his forehead that have recently appeared.

"Lara? I'm going to get help."I can hear the panic rising in his voice.  
"Don't leave me. Please stay. Stay here with me."

My eyes well up with tears, gently he uses him calloused thumb to wipe them away as tears erupt from his own.

I take the bow that he placed next to me and give it to him. It is tradition to bury a dwarf with their weapon but I would rather it stay with someone special than in a box with my lifeless body.

"I want you to take this and promise me that you will move on. Promise me you won't waste your life on me. Promise me you won't forget me."  
"No. You're not going to die. Not today."  
"Kili, theres no more hope. Please, promise me"  
"My love I will wont give up." Oh that stubbornness I have always admired.  
"Just promise me..." I can tell reality hits him hard making him realise that there really is no hope.  
"Lara, I promise. I promise I will find another. I promise I won't waste my life mourning over you. I promise I will never forget you"

Tears pour out of his eyes freely, like a running tap. I hate to put him in so much misery. I had only seen him cry one time before he was told about my illness.  
He leans down and kisses me. Each breath I take gets harder and harder.

"I love you..." The words barely escape my lips.

I can feel his hand leave my cheek. His fingers run through my fine brown hair.  
"I love you too." He says almost as quiet as a whisper.

The four words linger in my head echoing. The light fades, everything goes dark. I slip into a deep welcoming sleep knowing I will never wake again. I use to be scared of death but I guess fears are something you must overcome sooner or later, in this case sooner. In situations like this where I am uncertain of what is going to happen, I can usually feel my heart thumping fast and heavily, my balance is usually thrown off so I feel like I am falling even though I am not, I usually feel my hands shake but not this time. This time everything is still. It is almost as though I have been caught by a safety net. But I don't bounce up from the impact, I don't feel safe, I don't feel secure, I just don't feel afraid. I hope Kili will be ok. I hope I will not see him anytime soon.


	2. Hiding diaries and falling love

**AN: ****If you haven't read Kili's lost love...**

**Kili tells a homesick Bilbo a story about a girl and his love for her. The girl (Lara) falls sick and dies. (Sorry I'm really bad at summaries)**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

**_2 weeks later _**

My heart feels so heavy as I walk into her old room. Tears fill my eyes once again and I walk out of her house. I can't do this. It hurts too much, the pain's too raw. I hear her sister's footsteps behind me. I look at her tear stained face. I didn't see it before, but I can see the resemblance now. I pull her into a hug, it's nothing special or romantic; it's just two people mourning over the death of someone they both loved. My tears fall into her hair as her's soak my dark blue shirt (I am taller than her by quite a bit). We stand there crying for a few minutes before we go back in. I see a purple leather bound book with a string wrapped around it, in the back of her wardrobe. I examine it for a while and conclude that it is a diary. Is it bad to read it? I don't think she'd mind very much, she told me about it before.

* * *

20th of June TA 2938

Hi!  
This is really exciting I've never written in a journal before. I'm not comfortable with starting a journal entry with dear diary it sounds too girly so I guess I'll settle for Hi.  
I just got it as a birthday present from my sister yesterday. Im not sure where to put it yet. I'm about to start archery lessons in 2 days I'm so excited. I have a feeling this will be a good year

* * *

23rd of June TA 2938

Hello diary!

My archery lessons are so fun! I made friends with a dwarf named Kili. He (yes he) is so much fun, he has a really cute smile and he's extremely talented with the bow-oh did I mention that I find him absolutely gorgeous? Well I do and he is...

We found a hidden lake while he was walking me home. I insisted that I was completely capable of walking home myself, but he was too much of a gentleman to let me. While looking for a shortcut, we found a lake hidden by a thin wall of greenery with a small patch of grass almost like a mini-field next to it. I'm going to meet up with him for lunch today and train for a bit after, I can't wait!

On another note my sister is TERRIBLE at cooking! She almost burnt down the house. I can't believe I didn't realise this until now. I guess our mother was always there to do the cooking...  
Anyway at least she tried.

I just realised hello diary has a nice ring to it, it's better then just starting off with Hi and it's not as girly as dear diary, I think I'll stick with hello diary now...

I started hiding my diary under the bed.

Bye!  
Lara.

* * *

27th of June TA 2938

Hi diary!  
I started working at a restaurant yesterday. I only work 3 times a week.

Nothing much has happened since I last wrote, although my sister broke her leg I've been taking care of her. She is very bossy...

I think I found a nice hiding spot at the back of my wardrobe.

It was a really hot day today, but I still had the usual lunch and training meet up with Kili. I made a picnic and had lots of fun. The heat got so unbearable that Kili took off his shirt. I'm not sure if he was trying to impress me, but he jumped into the lake. Surprisingly, the water only reached his waist. I walked close to the edge of the lake, took off my shoes and sat down, letting the water reach my ankles. After sitting under the hot sun for a little while I jumped in with him, I didn't bother taking off my clothes as they already so wet from Kili splashing me. Like little children, we had a massive water fight that cooled us both down.

I think I'm falling in love..

Bye,  
Lara.

* * *

This entry reminds me of how fun she is. No, was. I miss you Lara. Why did you have to go? I miss you. Come back.  
My tired eyes start to water. I feel my tears fall and they land in the near the bottom of the page where Lara signed her name smudging her pristine writing.

* * *

**AN: I hope you enjoyed chapter one of a lost loves diary. Please leave a review! :)**

**If you haven't noticed the 2 sisters have names now :) (Lara and Nara)**

**A huge thank you to doingthedooweeooo for being my un-official beta and awesome friend.**

**I decided to combine chapters so each chapter wasn't so that the chapters wouldn't be so short.**

**Please leave a review :)**

**-Kelly :D**


	3. Apples and confessions

**AN: Text written in italic are flashbacks from Kili's POV.**

**Thanks for reviewing TheMaddieArchives and yolo1200, your reviews are much appreciated  
Thank you Doingthedooweeooo for editing all this.  
And thank you VanessaAndEllieTheVamps for all your encouraging PM's**

**I'm sorry for the super long Authors notes, it's what you get from turning a 5 chapter story into a 2 chapter story.**

**Also I changed some things Kili's lost love to fit this story like Nara's age, when they revealed their feelings and Fili's knowledge about the relationship.  
(Nara is 6 years older than Lara now)**

* * *

27th of June TA 2938

Hello diary!

I just came back from my second archery lesson! We learnt how to string a bow and it was surprisingly easy. After that, everybody got into partners (mine was Kili) and did some shooting practice. I swear I saw him blush after I congratulated him on hitting the bullseye 3 times in a row.

After the lesson, we went to the market. I distracted the shopkeeper while he stole some apples. When the shop keeper realised and started chasing after us, we both broke into a sprint. Kili looked back to see if the shopkeeper was still behind us and ran right into a wall. It was really quite funny. We walked over to the hidden lake (which was close by) and talked for a bit. I told him about my sister, Nara, and he told me about his brother, Fili. It feels like the more time I spend with him, the more I like him...

Byeee!  
Lara.

* * *

Oh yes, I remember that day...

_Flashback..._

_"Ok everyone get into partners! It's time for shooting practice!"_

_Lara and I made immediate eye contact as he said get into partners.  
I walked towards the shooting line, my bow in my hand. Instead of a quiver, there was a box of arrows next to me. I picked one at random and loaded my bow.  
Carefully, I drew back my right arm. As I felt my string hand touch my anchor point, I released the arrow._

_The arrow was a little bit off from the bullseye. I repeated this action again and again. On my second, third and fourth go, the arrow went straight through the middle. I heard Lara clapping behind me and I felt my cheeks redden. I hope she didn't notice. I saw the archery instructor come towards us._

_I felt the pressure as I let go of the string (he was extremely intimidating). The arrow went a shy of the bullseye but hit the target. All my arrows were still stuck in the target and he gave me some tips on aiming and consistency. I swapped places with Lara._

_She did pretty well, starting off with hitting the edge of the target not very close to the centre. She gave me an embarrassed look. Each time she released she got closer and closer to the bullseye. By her fourth shot she hit the bullseye. It landed straight in the middle on her fifth and final shot._

_We packed our stuff away after being excused and we walked to the market together. I saw her eyeing some apples which were too expensive than what they should've been. I told her to distract the shopkeeper; an oldish looking lady with a nasty expression on her face. I walked by and swiftly took 3 apples and stuffing them in my pocket. The old shopkeeper glared at me and started shouting._

_"Oi! Don't you dare! Put those apples back! I'm gonna get you!"_

_Quickly, I turned around and started running in the direction of the lake. Lara followed close behind. I looked back to see how far away the shopkeeper was. I felt something hard hit my shoulder the as I fell down. Oh god. I must look like the biggest idiot ever...I just ran into a wall. A wall. At least the shopkeeper stopped chasing after us. Lara laughed cheekily and helped me up. Our eyes met and we stood there for a moment, just staring into each others eyes and the world around us was moving in slow motion. Suddenly, she smiled at me._

_"Are you ok? You hit the wall pretty hard back there."  
I felt the heat rising in my cheeks.  
"Yeah." I grinned sheepishly._

_We started walking towards the lake and began talking. We kept talking and talking, but we never got bored. It was sunset when we decided to go back to our homes._

_I think I like her... I know I like her._

* * *

5th of July TA 2938

I told him I loved him today! Right after our archery lesson. My aiming is getting a lot better. I told him at sunset (I know, I know, how cheesy is that?). It was an absolutely flawless day. I packed a small picnic for us. The mat was laid out and we sat there with a mini feast in front of us. It was a completely perfect ordinary day. We stared into the sunset. He told me I was beautiful and I told him that I loved him. He told me he loved me back. It was like one of those love story's that you read except there was no twist in the plot, everything was perfect.

Until my sister ruined it. Ugh I hate her! I swear I'm never going to talk to her again. Kili's pretty mad at his brother too. After all that, he kissed me and nothing could come between our love. Nothing. I hope he still comes to lunch tomorrow, he seemed pretty mad at his brother.

Bye,  
Lara.

* * *

Flashback...

_"I'm gonna go home and grab something, I'll meet you at the spot."  
"Okay, I'll see you there"_

_I made sure I took my time walking to our spot. Instead of taking the short cut, I walked around the long way._

_"Hey slow poke!" I saw her walking towards our spot from the other side of the lake with a picnic basket in her hands. A huge smiled spread across my face the moment I saw her._

_She laid the mat down under the biggest tree we could find._

_"Ooh a picnic, we haven't had one of these in a while."  
"If you want a picnic Kili, then maybe you should make one yourself." She said in a teasing know it all voice  
"Me? cooking? Never. I'm pretty sure I'm worse than your sister."  
She giggled a bit. At my remark._

_After we finished our meal we sat there quietly, watching the colourful sunset.  
She let out a satisfying sigh.  
"The sunset is truly beautiful today."  
I stared at her dreamily for a few seconds.  
"Not as beautiful as you."  
She started to blush, her cheeks being tinted it with a rosy pink, she let out a small smile then bit her lip. She looked into my eyes.  
"I love you."  
Her eyes fell to the ground immediately after saying those three words, her head slightly tilting down towards the picnic mat.  
I gently lifted her chin so that we made direct eye contact.  
"I love you too."_

_I looked into her big brown eyes. I could see happiness in them, happiness that hadn't been there before. She always acted happy, but I knew that deep down underneath all those fake smiles she felt pain. She made life her life seem easy by disguising the pain and ignoring it. Silence filled the air, though it was not an awkward silence, we both didn't want to ruin this perfectly enchanting moment. We drew closer to each other._

_But then we heard it. We heard someone giggling behind the bushes. Two people giggling behind the bushes. Our eyes darted away from the others gaze and toward the bushes.  
I'm sure I have the most confused face now...  
"Who was that?" She asked with uncertainty in her voice.  
"I-I'm not sure..."  
I readied my bow, aiming at the bushes._

_Suddenly our siblings Fili and Nara jumped out of the bushes laughing.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"  
I could hear the anger in Lara's voice, this was our spot and only ours, nobody was supposed to find it.  
Fili and Nara burst out laughing. I gave Fili a strong glare._

_"I love you too!" He said in between giggles, with a strong tone of mockery in his voice.  
"Why?! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THERE? CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE?"  
Fili stopped laughing. He looked as though I just slapped him in the face.  
I stormed off deeper into the forest and started running. Lara followed me while our older siblings just stood there._

_Everything was perfect. Perfect. Perfect until they came._

_She grabbed my arm. Our eyes met once again. It was like a continuation of before. But in her eyes a saw not happiness but anger behind her tears. Time slowed down. I pulled her into a long passionate kiss. All our anger slowly slipped away being replaced with joy._

* * *

**AN: I don't know much about archery so thanks google.**

**Also an anchor point is a point that is touched by the hand holding the string or the string itself when the bow is ready to shoot, usually a point on the archers face.**

**If you have any suggestions for what might happen next (in her diary) leave a review or PM me :).**

**If you don't have any suggestions then leave a review anyway because I'd like to know what you think about the story so far.**

**Please leave a review.**


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